| In Memory of Hannah |
[23 Oct 2007|09:44pm] |
i know the date has passes but keep her in your thoughts, she drownd in her family pool...our thoughts are with you sweet one.
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[16 Oct 2007|04:44pm] |
on the 15th of october in the afternoon eli took his first steps! only three lol but they were steps!!
and today hes been doing it every now and again! hes not even 10 months yet lol little rascal
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| For Sophie |
[04 Oct 2007|10:14am] |
lol this is for you~!
True" Friendship
None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the fu*king bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you about it, every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whinging.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
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| my first dye job! Lemongrass |
[08 Sep 2007|10:00pm] |
My first dye job! I called it Lemongrass, im knitting up a pair of longies for my little boy! using the elements as my inspiration! earth air fire water...calling them the elementals!
tell me what you think
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[29 Aug 2007|08:34am] |
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as silly as this sounds Im sooo excited, Im going to be taught how to spin wool!! Ive wanted to learn this for so long now and finally a lovely vibrant woman has offered to teach me in town. I also bought wool dyes from her and am bursting to mix them all up and let my inner artist go wild with colour combinations ive been dreaming of lately!
this is a big thing for me since I havent gotten excited about anything in over 6 months.
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| the sad girl inside. |
[08 Aug 2007|08:52pm] |
Its been a long time since i posted in my little old lj, but I dont know maybe its time i start posting again, I had a doctors apointment today, mum talked me into going...by the end of the apt I was diagnosed with severe Post natal depression and was put on anti depressants. I dont know weather to laugh or cry at the moment...its all a bit much for me to take in, I guess I now know why ive been so sad and so bleak in my outlook on everything.
Ive kept a paper journal for 13 years now, and I stopped for about 6 months, some thing thats never happened to me...so today I picked up a journal thats been waiting to be written in and started a few pages, maybe I will keep writing in it who knows. Im also trying to scrapbook again after years or not touching it, doing the things that make me happy that make the old parts of me feel a bit lighter, because ive been ignoring that side of me pretty much since eli was born. Ive watched the artist in me die a little each day which is such a sad mess. Maybe I will get better with the medication and things wont seem so hard.
only a small post...baby steps for me to get back in the habbit of writing again.
84 days till hubby is home.
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[16 Jun 2007|08:53pm] |
You know when you through what i call a purging of your life, where you want to change so many aspects...Im going through one of those.
I am a witch, and yet that is the last thing I feel like right now, Im watching myself drift away into some abyss and Im trying to claw my way out of the state im in and into something, something amazing! Im writing down things that i want to change in my life trying to be more natural in my ways self sustaining - i miss my old self.
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| mummy moment |
[09 Jun 2007|10:08pm] |
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Its my turn for a proud mummy moment! for the last month or so ive been saying to elijah dad dad dad dad, hoping that dad would be his first semi word! last night he was lying on the floor going dad dad dad dad over and over again! out of no where, no gargar gooo garrr squeel, just dad dad dad I caught it on my camera to play to paul when he called tonight, he called and i played it for him, there was silence for a second or so, then he was like, was that what i think it was and im like yes darling hes saying dad dad dad ive been saying it to him over and over again next thing i hear is paul having alittle cry...melted my heart on the spot.
so there you have it thats my proud mummy moment, or rather proud daddy moment hehe
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[25 May 2007|10:03pm] |
i got this beautiful email from angie today and it just made me smile on the inside.
> Something beautiful to share ........
>Being a Mum
>We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter
>casually mentions that she and her husband are
>thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a
>survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should
>have a baby?"
>"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping
>my tone neutral.
>"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
>But that is not what I meant at all.
>I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the
>physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but
>becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
>I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MYchild?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse
>than watching your child die.
>I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive
>level of a bear protecting her cub That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every
>ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just tomake sure her baby is all right.
>I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine.
That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children,
>issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of
>pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not toaccomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child
>accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
>My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
>I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of
>seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret
>it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of
callings.
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[21 May 2007|10:03am] |
its gotten to the point where i miss love, and i miss romance things you take for granted when you have them..you think they will always be there, but they arent they fly off into the wind and your left wondering where it all went.
at the moment its beautiful...its autum now and the trees are all these beautiful oranges and yellows and the streets are filled with stunning piles of leaves that get swept up in the winds its like they are dancing
i bury myself in silly romance movies and daydream in kisses and love scenes...i miss the closeness of being held by sturdy shoulders where my world is safe
i hate that i feel so empty.
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| tired. |
[04 May 2007|10:14am] |
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gosh its been a while since ive actually had the time to sit and write in here, eli is such a handful at the moment, not sleeping during the day~! teething screaming tantrums from the teething lol, its a horrid circle and im as run down as ever, Im hoping it gets a bit easier when paul gets home, (5 months) Im counting the days really, as i think ive got a bit of depression having to do it all alone, i never though i would have to sill me i guess. I just sent off a letter to him with collages of eli and i, so that he gets to see as much as i can show him. I really miss him, its getting harder and harder knowing that its only 5 months away but every day drags by as if it was 5 months in every day, i cry alot these days sad as it sounds...i just cant help it.
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[01 May 2007|10:03am] |
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[12 Apr 2007|08:19pm] |
today has been one of the worst for mr eli, he is so grizzly lately, he had about an hour of sleep all day, drank till he threw up over and over and over again, im sitting here in a bra and a thrown up on skirt because i have nothing left ! i have to wash almost all of my clothes!
Im so run down i think im getting the virus my mums got at the moment, headaches bodyaches sniffles, upset tummy (all the bloody time) i just feel like a basket case, hubbys been on my mind so much in the last three days because of how hard its been to manage eli and still stay in a happy mood...i keep thinking how much easier it would be with him to help me, you know how you get that lump in the back of your throat when you want to cry? well ive had that lump for a week now sometimes makes it hard to breathe...I want my man, because im in desperate need of his strong shoulders to hold me up and hold me tight.
My Boys.
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| my little ray of sunshine |
[13 Mar 2007|12:43pm] |
my little man in his funky carebear nappy, hes kept me strong through everything.
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[09 Mar 2007|04:36am] |
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well after weeks of not knowing what is going to happen to my husband, the verdict came through today, 9 months in jail, for something he didnt do...eli will be 1 before he gets to see his daddy..my heart is breaking.
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